this is youth's last dance
08-22-06 10:09
i took the bandage off my new tattoo a mere 45 minutes ago and i am bruised beyond belief! it hurts so bad i start to wonder what have i gotten myself into? there has to be some sort of sick love for this form of art, and well... there is. i'm still luke warm towards the colors, and the design, but it's a new tattoo i felt that way with the outline of the tattoo when i got it awhile back. in short, i am pretty happy, and really glad heather went with me, she was my moral support for not laughing at me (the entire time) thankfully, and gelato afterwards very satisfying. i will post or heather will post the pictures later
08-05-06 10:26
work is just drama lately, and i'm starting to believe it's truly just that -- drama, and that people WANT the drama in their lives. i swear up and down that they don't or hope that they don't but then i remembered when i was working in motorclothes how much drama there was but then again working with women is like shark infested waters; especially when it comes to retail. but where i thought it was just retail/sales is really off the map completely, it's just in general. i mean, there are girls i really like there at the company, which is down to a couple considering i've had a fair amount of them talk behind or do something against me my back and i think it's continuing. my mom always tells me that it's just a job. when she was working at robinson's may she had her friend frank who used to say the same thing. "baby johnson it's nothin' but a j.o.b" i try to hold onto that but it's hard. why can't i think like noriko's boyfriend andy who thinks the same way? i tend to sometimes take what people say too personally although lately, it hasn't been the issue at all (thank god) and it was because i was new and i didn't know better. now though, unless i know i've done something if someone says something about me whether employee or customer i tend to not worry unless they complain thankfully i have not gotten more than one complaint from someone and that someone was a meth addict so maybe it doesn't count.

i'm bummed i got jipped out of another job, i mean i understand why they're doing it, and why tara and heather got the boot cause i guess customer service is going through a center? according to roger. but still, first it was the other woman up in internet, and now heather's job and i'm bummed cause now i'm STUCK again. my mom tells me that i just need to believe that there is something better out there, but it's hard. i don't want to believe it, i want to do it. i was always bitter about june moving up in the company because she was here after me and it seems that she's so good now that she's working up stairs with the weight-nazi hags of accounting, and then i forget that she was with lisa before me. i am coming up with my one-year in september, i'd hate to leave latus because i do love working there even if i complain but when i weigh out the pro's and con's it's a great company and i'd never consider leaving unless it was a drastic need. but i am pushing 24 i need to start finding a stable career not just something to occupy my time. i dont want to be a receptionist forever, and i don't think service receptionist is even a step up really. i was hoping jolaine would've put in a good word for me in internet after i did do her graphics for her website and she didn't and it's like wow, thanks i guess! it's like all of the telling everyone what i can do and what i've done goes through one ear and out the other; unless tara never actually told everyone about my computer skills like she told me she did.

i feel like the third wheel again up at the desk. at first it was breianne and june and when breianne came back june and her were all buddybuddy and it was sickening and they had all their jokes, and they pushed me out of their little "group" and i was on my own. now with rocio it feels the same way AGAIN and i think it's because rocio and june are "cousins" i guess, whatever. but i know rocio was pissed at me for talking to lisa about her shafting me of a shift on weds. i find it shitty she did that, sorry that i did? actually i'm not sorry! she didn't say two words to me at all on thursday, she barely clocked me in maybe i'll start clocking in at another department to avoid her completely. she's always rubbed me wrong since she started, since she started giving me attitude about stupid things and being sort of a bitch and trying to tell me that tish said i wasn't good at training which was BS.

im still pissed over a lot of things tara said and if she was there yesterday i was going to confront her about things. i hate when people shut down in defense mode and they start spewing things they and i hope they don't mean but they do it anyway. i'd rather someone not believe that i was a good friend, instead of telling me up and down that i was and going behind my back and saying i was an enemy. and i stopped believing things that she said to me, like being a great receptionist. i don't want to hear something to make my day better, i hate when people humor me into thinking i'm great and wonderful or say things just because the person wants to hear it. it makes me not want to give a shit anymore, and maybe i wont maybe that's what i need to do is stop caring and keep my friends at an arm's length. the only person i cared about was noriko when she worked there because she was the only person that hadn't seeked my friendship and then tossed it aside when someone else came. leolynn was like that too, but she left, and then it was like now what? she never even told me she was leaving and one weekend i found out and that sunday she was gone. yeah, iris and i are good friends now but iris ditched me for kristin when she was there and it was shitty, because nothing hurts more than being tossed aside by someone who convinced you that you guys were great friends. which is why i clung to noriko, and clung to noriko hard even when we were out of work but then she got fired, and people were happy (debby) and debby still gets mad over how people still love noriko. now i met heather and i felt that true friend feeling, especially after having tara tell me i was such a great friend for it to be used against me. heather brought back that feeling of good friendship and someone who wanted to be my friend for real and be a friend which mean at least standing up for one another not just saying that you did. ugh, i hate drama so much and i'm convinced these are such good reasons for me to hate everyone like i do. i hate being that way but i'm tired of stupid crap being blown up on me or blowing up in my face and being so unnecessary honestly who needs or wants this much drama?

if i can make it four hours today
life will be fantastic
Hello, 08-05-06 09:53
My name is hurricane. I'm new to elowel.